Posts in Thoughts

Caution: Dating A Blogger Is Hard!

We sit in front of a computer daily entertaining the masses with either social commentary on pop culture, or original content. We spend countless hours on building a solid brand to support ourselves and take a stake in new media. We spend our time interacting with fans and supporters who have made us who we are today. This all sounds hectic, yes but it’s the life we lead. However, there is one big issue that we as bloggers face that is seemingly ever present: Dating is hard.

Outside of the myths and misconceptions that bloggers or internet personalities are socially inept and just weird, dating, in my experience, has been a bit of a challenge. I have been single for quiet awhile (read: Cicely Tyson’s real age) and when I meet someone new, the same issues arise. About two years ago, I met a nice guy. He was attractive, educated, and well…he’s just fine. We met through a dating site and we hit it off real well. I never let him know initially who or what “X. D.” was because…it’s just something I don’t talk about too often. It’s not who I am entirely. We never met, the guy, and somehow he started following me on Twitter. It was then he realized who I was and retreated. It wasn’t until a year later when we randomly met up at a local restaurant where he said to me, “I wanted to date you badly, but you’re too much of a celebrity for me. I figured you would put all of our business on the internet and I couldn’t handle that.” I wish you all could see my face as I am reliving this moment. I hate excuses.  Do people really see us this way? Are we that hurt and affected of a people that when something goes wrong in our personal lives, we move to our supporters for e-motional support??

A year or so ago, I was dating someone who knew more or less who “X. D.” was. Again, me being a blogger had no part of our brief romance because I never let it define who I am. I invited him to an event as my date – arm candy for the boys to get jealous over. When we arrived at the event, I received a whole bunch of hugs, hand shakes, greetings and the like. My date had never been around “X. D.” and didn’t understand the industry entirely. He noticed that the people I was talking to were a bit flirtatious and although I kept them at bay, he got a bit jealous and left. Later, he explained he didn’t really care for all the attention and that it was all a bit too much for him.  I saw where he was coming from and apologized for throwing him in the trenches so to speak. Yet, it brought up a very valid concern as to what would happen if I happen to become “bigger?” I’m a bit more private than most when it comes to my personal life, but there will come a point where there will be a little overlap. Will they always retreat?

In any event, there will always be that “ONE” who seems to be everything that you’ve dreamed of but there always seems to be that one problem: they live across the country. Dating as a blogger is difficult because we are never sure that the prospect is falling for us or the personality that we portray to the public. When we seemingly find someone who is genuinely interested in us for who we are above what we do, we tend to hold on and perhaps even become a bit overzealous and irrational. Why? Because we aren’t used to it! There’s a point where sometimes we as bloggers what it feels like to be regular because people rarely see us as such. So when we have the opportunity to be “normal” around someone, emotions and things are amplified…

 

I can go on and on, but this is hard….

All I Really Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

I was always confused with whom and what I wanted to be when I was growing up. I blame my mother for it. I love her to death, but the first day of kindergarten I wore a red sweatsuit with a rainbow dinosaur on it. Day two: she dressed me in jeans and a “Homie Don’t Play Dat” tee. Day three: Mama XD had me in a Mr. Rogers cardigan and some penny loafers. Mama XD just had no clue, but with love. I’m sure she subscribed to the idea that me being 5 years old I wouldn’t give a damn what the hell I looked like. Yeah no. Children are very judgmental. I know this because all I ever really needed to know about life, love, and the darkness of the human spirit I learned in Kindergarten.

My teacher Mrs. O, was a congenial lady with hair that resembled a birds nest. She sometimes smelled like bologna — a lesson I would take with me for a VERY long time. She taught us everything, well most of us. I already knew how to read so she would allow me and my best friend David to help the other students who needed extra help. David and I would help as much as we could, yet would get frustrated and call someone stupid when they couldn’t either spell or read the word “cat”. Kids are so cruel, but think about how often we berate someone on Twitter for their spelling and grammatical errors. Of course David and I would be sneaky about it so we wouldn’t get the green apples with our names on it turned over to the red side – the bad side. To top it all off, because we were the bomb at reading and spelling, we got first dibs on toys. Hell yeah! Excelling in education will get you some kick ass perks and some kick ass headaches.

I fell in love and was dumped in Kindergarten. Granted it was done all in the same week, but still. Whatever. Amanda just said we should just be friends and left me for Josh all the while Lindsay liked me from day one but I gave her no play. Love was complicated WAY before it needed to be. I should’ve learned then to steer clear of it, but I didn’t. I did learn not to trust blondes though –they’re heart breakers. Through it all I did learn tons about gender and race through socialization. I always had to be the father when LaKeisha wanted to play house. David wanted to be the father so bad but LaKeisha always said, “My Daddy ain’t White! This is not how it works!’ Yeah I know. Heavy right? I always wanted to go to the tea parties she would have but she said that daddies only go to work and come home…and that’s it. Regardless of how LaKeisha had the game full circle fucked up, she molded my ideas of having a relationship with someone of another ethnicity. I would always question why David couldn’t be the father, but LaKeisha, harshly, wouldn’t have any of it. Love and family should be for everyone I thought and I still do. She was the Mary Jones of my class. No one liked her anyway. She was hateful. She got held back.

The poster that my mother bought 20 years ago was right. Everything I really needed to know I learned in Kindergarten. Everything from sharing to gender roles. Craziness how we never take a step to realize what an impact that grade had. Think back to your year in Kindergarten. Share your journey.

–XD