Posts in Thoughts

#XD30 – Twenty Three and Four – The Other Woman

She stood up and walked to the podium with her palms clammy and beads of sweat on her nose. Mrs. Dalloway continued to knit as she’s heard everyone’s story before. It was always the same story: some regular junkie comes in, preaches on how they got sober and how “YOU” can do it too. She noticed the woman approaching the podium when she walked in—she smelled new. Mrs. Dalloway had been in Narcotics Anonymous for the last 17 years. She was mandated to the meetings at St. Joseph’s on 3rd Avenue after a bad batch of shrooms that sent her running butt naked through the city and shitting on Ed Koch’s shoe. Mrs. Dalloway, while sober, just continues to come to the meetings as she has grown accustomed to the routine. Every Tuesday night, this was her thing. The cookies, the conversation, the inspiration, the tears – everything about this was her, regardless of how mundane it’s become to her.

“No one ever talks about how great the high is. We always talk about how we’ve hit rock bottom and how we can’t take care of our families or…we lost our jobs and can’t fucking pay rent. I’m only here because I know if I come here…no one will judge me. It’s a judge free zone right?”

The crowd looked at the short woman with the peanut butter complexion confused and uncomfortable. Mrs. Dalloway put her knitting needle down, and for the first time in 12 years listened to a “newbie.”

“The high. Woo. Shit. The high. It’s like… the best fucking feeling and I’m not going to stop. I should feel guilty…I should feel really fucking guilty. But I love it. It takes me to another place. It makes me feel like I matter. Like I’m the only one. It’s powerful. Y’know? But I gotta get this off my chest. I can’t tell my friends. I sure as hell can’t tell my mother. My father would…he would fucking die. So I saw an ad in the Voice and I said to myself, ‘Well all these motherfuckers are sinning and shit. Why not be a part of the crowd?’”

Mrs. Dalloway began to get flustered and so did everyone else in the room.

“Well if you’re going to insult us, tell us your name and what drug you’re on because it seems like it’s fucking dope,” Mr. Gonzalez said in his thick Dominican accent.

“My name is Alex,” she began. Alex looked around the room, squinted and smirked.

“My name is Alex, and I’m addicted to being the ‘other woman.’

#XD30 – Nineteen – So Much, So Little

I have a so much and so little to say.

 

A range emotions, thoughts, wishes, moods that are itching to get out of my head and travel through the my arms to my fingertips.

 

I also just… don’t have much to say at all.

 

It’s a creativity stuck between a rock and a hard place.

#XD30 – Eighteen – Father’s Day

I didn’t grow up with my father. I don’t know too much about him. I know where he is, and I know that he’s alive.

I think I’m amazing, and I don’t think I’d be amazing if my life were different…including him in it.

 

And I suppose I owe him a thank you…for not being there.

 

It’s the best thing you’ve ever done.

#XD30 – Fifteen – Brown

I’ve been so drained creatively due to work and life…

 

However, I was reminded today of a quote and all of a sudden, I met the winter of my discontent.

 

“I know a boy who is sky soft brown. Dirt leaps for joy when his feet touch the ground.” – Toni Morrison.

 

 

#XD30 – Eleven – Dancing On The Smooth Edge

“It’s been a while since I did this but I think I still got it.”

Diana thought the same thing to herself. She smiled and they both slow danced to Blackstreet’s “Before I Let You Go.”

Arthur’s was now Katra Lounge where it was 25 enter and 30 to remember. Diana and Vann knew they’d be in good company.

 

The danced the night away, and made the night beautiful.

 

Vann drove Diana to her home on the hill, and in true gentleman-like fashion, Vann walked her to her door.

“I had a really great time tonight, Diana. May I see you again?”

“I’d love to see you again.”

Diana kissed him on the cheek, entered her house and closed the door. She slid down to the floor with bliss.

Vann walked away smiling hard the same way he did when he asked Sarah out on a date.

“I still got it.”

This concludes the story. We’ll revisit something new tomorrow.

#XD30 – Eight – In This Bed [a poem]

Note: This is completely separate and a departure from the previous story I was writing. I’ll eventually come back to that story, maybe.

 

in this bed

you are home to me

you greet me, complete me

in this bed

you remake me, study me

in this bed

you spoil me, excite me

in this bed

you breathe me, see me

you betrayed me, hurt me.

in our bed

that we shared.

#XD30 – Five – Different

This Sunday was different. It wasn’t an Easter Sunday. It wasn’t Mother’s Day. It wasn’t Father’s Day. It wasn’t the start of Vacation Bible School. It wasn’t those things at all.

Vann made it a point to make sure his two boys were rooted and grounded in The Word. Vann would make sure Vann Jr. and Alexander dressed up in their finest creased slacks, dress shirts with no collar (because Joe Sr. said collars were for the white man) and black loafers. Vann always wore a suit — nothing more, nothing less. He always encouraged the boys to become active in the church, and they did so. Vann Jr. played the drums and Alexander sang in the choir. It made Vann happy to know that his now teenage boys had a strong foundation and constitution, even though the past 16 years his was weak.

This Sunday was different.

Alexander began to sing.

Afterwhile, afterwhile
This too shall pass
Afterwhile
Scars will heal, you’ll love again
It won’t hurt you afterwhile
It won’t hurt afterwhile

Vann walked up to the altar, and rededicated his life to Christ.

Pastor Johnson whispered in his ear, “It won’t hurt afterwhile.”

Vann burst into tears and for the first time in 16 years, he breathed.

This Sunday was different.

 

#XD30 – Four – Pin

Vann was a nerd. He had thick coke bottle glasses, but he always stayed in a fly adidas track suit and the freshest sneakers. He was known as the “Flyest Kid in Wood Shop” at Dunbar High School. He also had the crush on the the pretty girl with cocoa skin in home room. Sarah Cunningham had shoulder length hair and was always seemed to float across campus. Vann was enamored with just the thought of her. He would always get the urge to speak, but everyone would tease him about his nervousness and he would just shy away.

In the 10th grade, Vann opened his lunch and found a note.

Just tell her hi. – Love, Dad.

Vann sucked it up, walked over to the table where she was sitting and said, ” Hi, I’m Vann. I think you’re really pretty and I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me to get a burger and the record store after school today.” His palms were drenched with sweat and just as he began to turn green, Sarah smiled.

“It depends. Where are we getting the burgers from?”

“Arthur’s. Where else?”

Vann studied and knew the object of my affection more than anyone and before he ever had a conversation with.

“Alright. Deal.”

Vann walked away with the hugest smile on his surprisingly acne free face, and went to class. Wood Shop. Vann made a pin fashioned into a shape of a rose to give to Sarah on their impending date in a few hours.

She wore the pin on their wedding day.

She wore the pin at her funeral.