A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Jermaine. “I’m in your neighborhood, come down stairs in 5 minutes and let me up.” It was 2:34 in the morning. Normally, I never wake up for anything at that hour, but something told me to get up…

I met Jermaine in 2005 on a dating site. He was very forward, direct, and the first time we met, we had sex. It was never meant to be anything serious, and while the sex was the best we both had ever had, it was never consistent. We’ve had sex once a year over the last decade, each time more amazing than the last. With that, we’ve (meaning him) talked about, and maybe even entertained the idea of us,  but I always come back to, “Well, we’ve never been on a date. I don’t know his mother’s name. Is he pro-Black? What’s his stance on [insert any social justice issue]?”

I don’t know, and sadly…and honestly……..I don’t care.

He came over, I showered. He showered. And we had sex. This time it was different. It wasn’t about the positions, or the length, or the amount of rounds we went. I couldn’t put my finger on it until about 8 o’clock when woke up for a final round. Jermaine represents a lot of who I used to be: apathetic, emotionless, and selfish. He came at a time in my life when I was young and thought I knew it all. He was always there as a release for me, a sexual and emotional trash can where I can put things and never have to deal with them, and for whatever reason…he always stayed. I don’t want to be that guy anymore.

When he left, I told him good-bye and I hugged him. He said, “This is for good, isn’t it?”




  1. Teedah June 1, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    Do you really believe it’s over? Because I’m going through the same thing with someone. This has been going on for almost two years. And every time I say, “this is it,” one of us reaches out and we have an amazing time, sex and then months elapse. No dates in between etc. I need to stop the cycle.

  2. CCduh June 1, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    This shit makes me want to cry & I’m not even a emotional person like that. I actually think you shouldn’t say goodbye without being brutally honest with each other about how you feel & where you want possible go, with your “fuck-ship”. Take a man & woman for example. Most woman don’t get sports & most guys like that, because that’s their time to get a away & talk sports with their, sport enthusiast friends. Some woman also like to talk fashion & would be completely turned off by their man wanting to chat about fashion with them… The point I’m trying to make is, find some sort of common ground. Tell him why you like these things & why it’s so fascinating to you & with time he’ll grow to love, what you love. Just don’t give up on someone, so soon, without doing the ‘work’. Don’t be afraid to hurt, for hurt/feel. Wanting someone to be just like you, that you date is vain, & isn’t healthy because in some cases. It gets boring because you know yourself. Kim & Kanye’s common ground is fashion, but they are no where near the same. He ass don’t get rap or race related issues & that’s what’s he’s for & he probably doesn’t under stand some things she may have know… That’s what keeps relationship’s going beyond bomb ass sex.

    1. S Austin June 25, 2015 at 7:19 pm

      Absolutely! I completely agree.


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