We sit in front of a computer daily entertaining the masses with either social commentary on pop culture, or original content. We spend countless hours on building a solid brand to support ourselves and take a stake in new media. We spend our time interacting with fans and supporters who have made us who we are today. This all sounds hectic, yes but it’s the life we lead. However, there is one big issue that we as bloggers face that is seemingly ever present: Dating is hard.

Outside of the myths and misconceptions that bloggers or internet personalities are socially inept and just weird, dating, in my experience, has been a bit of a challenge. I have been single for quiet awhile (read: Cicely Tyson’s real age) and when I meet someone new, the same issues arise. About two years ago, I met a nice guy. He was attractive, educated, and well…he’s just fine. We met through a dating site and we hit it off real well. I never let him know initially who or what “X. D.” was because…it’s just something I don’t talk about too often. It’s not who I am entirely. We never met, the guy, and somehow he started following me on Twitter. It was then he realized who I was and retreated. It wasn’t until a year later when we randomly met up at a local restaurant where he said to me, “I wanted to date you badly, but you’re too much of a celebrity for me. I figured you would put all of our business on the internet and I couldn’t handle that.” I wish you all could see my face as I am reliving this moment. I hate excuses.  Do people really see us this way? Are we that hurt and affected of a people that when something goes wrong in our personal lives, we move to our supporters for e-motional support??

A year or so ago, I was dating someone who knew more or less who “X. D.” was. Again, me being a blogger had no part of our brief romance because I never let it define who I am. I invited him to an event as my date – arm candy for the boys to get jealous over. When we arrived at the event, I received a whole bunch of hugs, hand shakes, greetings and the like. My date had never been around “X. D.” and didn’t understand the industry entirely. He noticed that the people I was talking to were a bit flirtatious and although I kept them at bay, he got a bit jealous and left. Later, he explained he didn’t really care for all the attention and that it was all a bit too much for him.  I saw where he was coming from and apologized for throwing him in the trenches so to speak. Yet, it brought up a very valid concern as to what would happen if I happen to become “bigger?” I’m a bit more private than most when it comes to my personal life, but there will come a point where there will be a little overlap. Will they always retreat?

In any event, there will always be that “ONE” who seems to be everything that you’ve dreamed of but there always seems to be that one problem: they live across the country. Dating as a blogger is difficult because we are never sure that the prospect is falling for us or the personality that we portray to the public. When we seemingly find someone who is genuinely interested in us for who we are above what we do, we tend to hold on and perhaps even become a bit overzealous and irrational. Why? Because we aren’t used to it! There’s a point where sometimes we as bloggers what it feels like to be regular because people rarely see us as such. So when we have the opportunity to be “normal” around someone, emotions and things are amplified…

 

I can go on and on, but this is hard….

10 Comments

  1. Calvin Coats July 17, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Really good points. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.

    Reply
  2. Feminista Jones July 17, 2011 at 11:48 am

    XD,

    You just wrote my life. I promise you… ever since starting a blog on sex and relationships, I’ve doubted every man who have shown any interest. Why? Most of them come at me wanting sex. It makes me wonder if the others just want sex but have better game. I’m cautious as hell and have yet to let my guard down. When a man hasn’t heard of my blog, I’m SO happy. Then I end up hoping he never finds it, but he does… and the conversation changes. Great. Then people chastise me and tell me it should be expected and I shouldnt be surprised or complain when men only seem to want sex from me. I guess that’s fair… except I share so much more than just my thoughts on sex. But, whatever.

    I’mma just stay single lol

    XOXO
    FJ
    KnobSlobbingFeminism.com

    Reply
  3. Michael Anthony August 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Interesting points made XD. Let me just say that there is someone out there that will be able to adapt to that life. TRUST ME.

    Bishop

    Reply
  4. Slim Jackson August 18, 2011 at 1:19 am

    This post was dope. Great writing and interesting perspective. You made some points I could definitely sympathize with based on my own experience with blogging, dating, etc. **Drops site in RSS list**

    Reply
  5. Diamond Stylz September 1, 2011 at 12:52 am

    This so true. Guys think that I will force them into living out life on Youtube, air our dirty arguments or our bedroom activities out here for the world to see. That is so not the case. I only share who I am and my perspective as ablogger. I am just a pre-cautious about sharing my man to the world as he is so Im conscious of that privacy vs.public dynamic. Dont let me even start withe the “Im a fan” lovers. I always feel so dumbfound when the really feel the know me from a blog or a video. Yes i am am sharing me and some of my experience authentically but that is no where near ALL of me.

    Reply
  6. Ms. Smart September 15, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    I’ve only told TWO men I dated. It didn’t work out too well. In the six or so years I’ve been blogging (under various names including my real first name), I’ve always avoided using my face. I don’t present myself publicly as Ms. Smart. However, people do know and I’ve been in situations where I hoped my dude didn’t ask me how I know certain people.

    Reply
  7. DJ Diva September 15, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Having been a blogger since 2002, I can tell you that this is the biggest conundrum of my life. Whether i meet the guy online or off…my online life always comes under scrutiny. I recently had a guy tell me “Oh..I don’t like DJ Diva…I like Margaret.” o_O I’m not Sybil!!!! There is only one ME fool LOL I asked him to clarify and apparently my persona online comes off differently than IRL. i don’t think so but this has always been an issue for me…

    In my last “marriage”, my “husband” wanted Sally Homemaker…I said Dude..you met me on Myspace on account of that low cut orange shirt and my name was DJ Diva…who did you think you were getting?

    Reply
  8. marfmellow March 22, 2012 at 2:05 am

    this was everything.
    seriously, it’s like once a guy finds my blog he’s either asking me for tips on how to run his/get his buzz up or asking me questions about posts that happened before he was even a sparkle in my eye.

    it’s best to just play dumb and say “that internet bitch just look like me”

    Reply
  9. Isys Drain March 31, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Sincerity and trust is what would build a relationship…

    Reply
  10. Jian December 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    My experience is different, thought it doesn’t feel good as well…

    A while ago, I decided to stop my blog posting because I was tire of facing the judgements and I thought about start dating again. I met a guy online and spoke with him for a while. Soon I decided to stop talk with him because of his sugar coated words with dishonest acts. Later I received his insult email after he found my blog. He accused the reason I interest in him was “as a voyeur or fodder for my blog” (which I decided to stop posting a while ago) and I was “Just about money and prurient interests”…The fact is my blog is not even a personal diary and I normally talk about general things about western Asian relationship. Also, I have never make a cent from my blog. The only ad link out is to my online store which I have not yet finished building it…

    Now I think, since some people going to judge me anyway, dating or not, I decided to back to blog again.

    Reply

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